Fullmetal Alchemist: The 'Important' Assignment
by Minimu-chan
Summary: Mustang gives Ed an 'Important Assignment'. The assignment is crazy and Ed finds out just how small he really is.


Okay! I'm done with this STUPID report! Can I please go now?!?!" Ed was furious. He hated writing reports.

"Fullmetal..." Roy started.

"Eh? What the hell do you want?"

"Well for starters you could SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!"

"Why don't you just spit it out already?!?!"

"Fine, I need you to go on this assignment. You're the only one in the military who can do it"

"Really?"

"Yes Fullmetal, really"

Ed was full of excitement. He grabbed the letter and ran out chanting "I'M READY! ASSIGNMENT!"

"Heh, heh, heh. Good luck Fullmetal. You'll need it."

Ed slowly opened the letter that contained the assignment that ONLY he could do.

"What the fuck?!?!?!? No way??? This is unfair!!!"

"Brother, what's wrong?"

Edward sighed. "I guess I'll have to do it. I mean it's even got that 'official' stamp god dammit"

That night Ed stayed awake, wondering about the assignment. Why me? Why can't someone else do it? His thoughts slowly floated away as he fell asleep.

"Hey Mustang, before I go on this 'important' assignment can I ask you something?"

"Sure Fullmetal. What do you want to ask?"

"I wanted to know why me? Why do I have to do this?"

"Well you are the 'smallest' state alchemist here…"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE ME PAST THAT STUPID PAPERWORK!!!!" Ed yelled, angered at the fact that he is small.

"Well Fullmetal, the truth is that I can't actually see you past my paperwork, you're just too small"

Ed paused. Am I really that small? The thought ran through his mind. It was probably true.

"Well Fullmetal, I think you should be starting on that assignment"

"Okay…" Ed silently admitted defeat. He left to go get dressed for this assignment.

Ed came out of his room. Finally he was dressed. He had his hair out wearing little bunny hair clips, he had a heart pendent around his neck, he had a deep red dress that sparkled in the sunlight and he had little black shoes.

"Good job Fullmetal. You look just like a girl."

"Okay Mustang! Now just tell me what I have to do!"

"You'll pretend to be a 10 year old girl while spying on the principal of the school. We've gotten reports from some parents that children have been coming home with their virginity taken away."

"How the hell would the parents know?!?!"

"Well the children tell them of course"

"Well than it's obvious than, a teacher did it"

"Just do your job Fullmetal!"

"Fine!!!"

"Okay class this is our new student! Her name is Maria," Ed stood up, in front of the class of girls. The school he had to go to was an 'all girl's school'. The principal was a man which made no sense at all.

"Uh, hello everyone" he said in a girly voice.

They had their first 2 lessons for the day, they where Maths and English. Ed hated them a lot. When recess came they stood in line at the bench where they received their morning snack. All the girls sat down. Ed stared at it.

"Eww… what the fuck is this shit?"

The girls sitting around him where shocked. No one dared to speak at the tables. They all stared at him. There was an awkward silence…

"Milk… I hate milk…"

One of the teachers came over to Ed. He could see anger in the teacher's eyes. Oh no…

"Maria!!!"

"What did you call me?"

"Don't mess round Maria! To the principal's office for you!"

Ed walked over to the office. Finally getting away from that horrid milk.

"Ah, Maria! How are you today? Might I ask you, why have you come to me?"

"Uh, I got in trouble sir." Ed replied.

"Well than I guess I'll have to punish you."

"What? I'll lose my lunch break?"

"Oh you'll lose MORE than your lunch break… I'm gonna take away your virginity!"

The man grabbed onto Ed. Ed gulped. The man tied him to a bed so he couldn't use alchemy. He was stuck. He couldn't see a thing. He was lying on his stomach. He could feel the man grab his ass.

"SON OF A BITCH! GET THE FUCK OFF ME!!!!" Ed yelled as he broke the rope and leaped up.

"What?!?!?!? You're a man?"

"Yeah and now you're going to jail, bitch"

"You know you're kinda small…"

"Who are you calling so small you'll need a magnifying glass!!!!!"

Ed was full of anger. He used alchemy to create a cage full of illusions. ED headed back to headquarters.

"Okay I've finished this assignment"

"Good job Fullmetal. But this was no assignment"

"Huh? What do you mean Mustang?"

"This was just something fun I thought up of and everyone thought it would be funny."

"Well at least you've got no video or photos…"

"Actually we got this video of the whole thing"

"What the fuck"

"Uh, Brother?" Al butted in.

"What is it, Al?"

"Well ya know how we took that photo of you before you went to that school."

"Oh no!!! I forgot about that!!!"

"Well we kinda got tons of copies of them and threw them all over Central" Al said as everyone started to run away.

"HEY GET THE HELL BACK HERE!!!!!" Ed yelled as he ran after them.


End file.
